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Seattle's mustached villain warns Spokane of super hero stunts | Weird

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Seattle's mustached villain warns Spokane of super hero stunts

From the shadows of Seattle, a villain has risen to battle the false fame of Phoenix Jones, a masked vigilante. His name is Rex Velvet, a mustached businessman who handles a mustache like he handles his sparking alcohol - like a dandy.

There’s almost 300 miles separating Spokane and this man, but it should be known that he has had ties to the Lilac City in the past. Sources say he visited Eastern Washington last October to begin his Social Villain Alliance.

Velvet agreed to a phone interview on Thursday afternoon with KXLY where he disclosed that he is branching out to all corners of the state to begin his league of loyal alliances.

“Spokane should hope that they keep their wits about themselves. They may be one of the last spots that super heroes haven’t polluted the streets,” Velvet said over the phone.

We thought we heard the sound of his knuckles crunching around a Space Needle bottle opener during the phone call, but that’s not confirmed.

Velvet says he’s the people’s villain, but he stresses that he is merely a voice for those that wish to vent their frustrations about “these super hero nuts.”

“These freaks,” Velvet described. “They need to be off the streets and leave the real fighting up to crime fighters.”

Phoenix Jones was spotted in downtown Seattle during the May Day demonstrations that quickly turned to violence. Jones was there to monitor police and protest activity and supply assistance if things turned ugly. Jones told MyNorthwest he was hit with a stick and rock while standing up to protesters.

“He sounds like a silly good and he’s recruiting more silly geese,” Velvet insisted.

Jones was photographed by MSNBC at a Seattle Starbucks during the May Day demonstrations. He was taking a break with his superhero comrades, Midnight Jack and El Caballero. They’re calling it the Rain City Superhero movement.

When super hero vigilantes start running around, chaos ensues Velvet says.

“That’s where police need to man up,” Velvet added.

His message to Spokane: “Keep your streets superhero free and you will go far in this world. Your community is thriving because you have no super heroes.”

“That is all you will receive,” Velvet said and just like that, the line went dead.


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